


Boys Don't Cry

by Miss_Dyana



Category: Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hugging, Nightmares, Post-Movie, Sharing a Bed, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26563579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Dyana/pseuds/Miss_Dyana
Summary: “When I sleep, I dream of— him. Of that moment.”“I’m sorry, Nick.”But he shook his head.“I’d have done it again, you know? If your father had asked me to. I’d have done it so you wouldn’t have to.”It was like her breath had been knocked out of her. In other circumstances, she would have been horrified at the proposition. Right now, though, she understood, viscerally, how much that meant, especially coming from him.“You didn’t have to.”“But I would have.”Anna closed her eyes. She hated this. Hated what the past few days had made of them. Children who had to murder their parents and leave the ones they loved behind.“You can stay here,” she offered.
Relationships: Anna Shepherd/Nick Saint
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Boys Don't Cry

**Author's Note:**

> In this, Nick and Anna had a one-night stand and didn't date, which is what the book implies.

After just a few days on the road, Anna decided that the worst part about this whole Zombie Apocalypse thing was the nights. Not that there was much to be enjoyed, and she probably would revise her judgement to say that the worst part was all the people she had lost, if she wasn’t so damn  _ tired. _

Her, Steph and Nick had been taking turns to drive the car, but even then, they had to stop every now and then to refill the tank, and there was never a moment of  _ actual _ rest. The world could turn to chaos again any second. One of her companions shook her awake a little too frequently for her tastes, and though she didn’t complain, because she knew they were all in the same state, it was taking a toll on her.

The trio hadn't spoken much since they’d left, all too tired and depressed to do so. Outside of simple logistic stuff, the longest conversation had been about where they were going. They had agreed on going South, to try and maybe join the continent, even if it likely wouldn’t be any better over there. Anna was still clinging on to her idea of going to Australia, because it was the only thing she had left, Steph secretly wanted to try and join her girlfriend in Canada, if she was still alive, and Nick… Nick had nothing, as far as she knew. Not even a probably dead girlfriend or an unrealistic dream. Just a dead dad and dead friends he’d left behind.

Maybe that was why he put so much energy into killing zombies.

They were on their way towards London, though they had collectively agreed to stay as far away from the city as possible, when Anna decided she needed a break. She needed a break  _ yesterday. _

Without a warning, she stopped in front of the first motel she could find. In the back of the car, Nick jerked awake, already alert and expecting the worst, while Steph, sitting next to her, pushed herself up with a grimace.

“What are you doing?” Nick asked, looking around outside.

“Tonight, I’m  _ sleeping,”  _ Anna replied, switching off the ignition. “Anyone want to come check inside with me?”

Nick rolled his eyes, but didn’t object, instead opening the door and stepping out.

“Steph, I’m leaving you the keys, and you stay prepared to leave any moment, yeah?”

The blonde girl nodded, still groggy from sleep, and slid into the driver’s seat once Anna was out the door.

“If this works out, we’ll sleep in a bed tonight,” she promised her, and Steph gave her an exhausted smile in reply.

“You should hurry if you want this to be done before night,” Nick called out, and Anna straightened, walking towards him.

They gave each other a nod before they walked in. They didn’t need to speak, communication going through a few gestures or a look, all of it coming easily to them, in a way that couldn’t completely be explained by the times they’d fought side by side in the previous days. In fact, it almost reminded Anna of what she’d had with John, and for that reason, she tried not to dwell on it.

Thinking of John hurt too much.

The fight that followed inside was violent but brief. As it turned out, outside of a few staff members, there were pretty much no zombies inside, and they were soon able to usher Steph in. They locked all doors carefully, then went their separate ways. The hotel still had electricity, and Anna assumed there was probably a generator somewhere.

She picked a room for herself on the first floor, so she wouldn’t be faced by any zombie looking at her through the window, and started by taking a long, much needed shower. After that, despite how tired she was, she found herself reluctant to get into bed. It didn’t feel right, probably because she was already accustomed to being on the road all the time, and because she hadn’t really been alone in days. She was nervously looking out the window, watching the creatures stumbling around outside, when a voice interrupted her in her thoughts.

“Lookin’ for some company?”

Anna blinked, vaguely disgusted by the proposition, and turned around to find Nick leaning against the door frame. In his hand, a bottle of alcohol she couldn’t identify. It would have been tempting to take some, but she didn’t feel like she could risk getting drunk in the middle of the apocalypse. Some other time, she might have thrown him out, but right now, she was willing to take the distraction.

“What do you want, Nick?”

“Just wanted to see you,” he said, speech just slurred enough for her to decide he shouldn’t drink anymore. After all, they didn’t know when he would need to be functioning next time. What if zombies came in and he couldn’t escape them because he was drunk? Just thinking about it made her blood run cold and she jumped to her feet.

Decidedly, she walked towards him to take the bottle from his hands but, anticipating her action, he lifted the bottle out of her reach, and she cursed him for being taller than her. She tiptoed to try and reach it. In the process, she stumbled and fell against his chest. Nick’s other arm fell around her waist, allowing her to regain her balance. She tried not to think about how natural the movement had seemed for him, about his hard, toned chest, or about his beautiful blue eyes that were now looking down at her, even if in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in them forever.

But then, Nick leaned forward, a slight smirk on his lips, and Anna pulled away from him, pushing against his chest. He let her go, frowning.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re drunk,” she replied, taking a step back to let herself fall on the bed.

“Don’t remember that bothering you last time.”

Anna closed her eyes and sighed. Her and Nick hadn’t been drunk, exactly,  _ that _ time, but they were definitely intoxicated.

“Because that worked out great for me,“ she said sarcastically.

Nick walked over and sat down next to her.

“I didn’t mean for  _ that  _ to happen,” he mumbled, taking a sip from the bottle, no doubt referring to the mockeries and slut-shaming she’d been on the receiving end of after the one night they’d spent together.

“Then what did you  _ think  _ would happen?” Anna asked, annoyance in her voice, even if she knew he likely simply  _ didn’t  _ think about it.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Nick said with a shrug, and she felt her anger slip away a little at the confusing answer. “I thought you were mad at me ‘cause some guys were dicks to you afterwards. I didn’t think you’d be mad at me because you— liked me?”

“Who said I liked you?” she protested immediately, way too intensely.

Nick gave her an unimpressed look, and she dropped the show. She did like him, at least back then, and she was undecided as to how she felt about him now. She still didn’t understand what his reasoning was.

“I don’t get what it changes,” she said. Was it bad of her to insist while he was drunk, to get answers he likely wouldn’t give sober? Maybe it was. But she really wanted to know.

“You knew I was an arse when you stayed that night,” Nick expanded, voice strangely empty. “I didn’t want you to think I was worse than that, but I didn’t think you’d want much to do with me after it any way. I mean,” he scoffed, “your friends  _ despised  _ me.”

“Yours weren’t my biggest fans either.”

There was a moment of silence, and Anna wondered if he, too, was thinking about how their friends were  _ dead,  _ all of them, and of how silly this all seemed now. Regardless, Nick drank from the bottle again.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” he repeated, “if I didn’t talk to you anymore.”

“But did  _ you  _ care?”

Inside, Anna cursed herself. She should know better than to ask questions she didn’t want answered.

“I dunno,” Nick said, and she thought he was being genuine for once. “I mean, I tried to talk to you afterwards, didn’t I?”

“Because you wanted to shag me again!”

“Sure, but you weren’t my only option.”

She let out an offended exclamation and slapped his arm, even though she knew it was a weird, convoluted way of… complimenting her? His way of saying that he’d actually wanted to talk to her again. That he’d missed her.

God, she wished he could be consistent when it came to whether or not he was an asshole. Just, pick a side and let her deal with that, instead of flip-flopping between the two and constantly confusing her. She could understand that he struggled with being open when it came to emotions. Between his father and the people he surrounded himself with, it was no wonder he had problems with that.

But did he really have to be such a  _ dick  _ all the time, even when he was being nice?

She reached out and took the bottle from his hand to put it aside. This time, he let her, and Anna resolutely ignored the jolt of electricity that ran through her arm when she touched him. She’d unpack that later, when she wasn’t so sleep-deprived.

“You’ve had enough of that,” she said softly.

“Gonna tell me drinking won’t solve my problems?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

He was smirking, but the smile fell from his face when Anna looked him straight in the eyes. She flicked a curl of hair that was falling on his forehead and shook her head, and Nick simply forgot how to breathe.

“You know that already. You should try to get some sleep instead.”

In a moment of vulnerability that surprised even him, Nick looked down, avoiding her gaze.

“When I sleep, I dream of—  _ him.  _ Of  _ that  _ moment.”

Anna remained silent for a while. She didn’t remember any dream she might have had since the beginning of the apocalypse, but she always woke up with a deep feeling of dread and the impression that she just didn’t remember the horrors that had been happening in her sleep.

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

But he shook his head.

“I’d have done it again, you know? If your father had asked me to. I’d have done it so you wouldn’t have to.”

It was like her breath had been knocked out of her. This was  _ exactly  _ what she meant about picking a side. In other circumstances, she would have been horrified at the proposition. Right now, though, she understood, viscerally, how much that meant, especially coming from him.

“You didn’t have to.”

“But I would have.”

Anna closed her eyes. She hated this. Hated what the past few days had made of them. Children who had to murder their parents and leave the ones they loved behind.

“You can stay here,” she offered, patting the bed.

“Really? You wanna—”

“No. You can stay here to  _ sleep.” _

She didn’t say that that way, she could help him if he had any nightmare, because she knew he would have rejected that offer. Nick considered the proposition, then shrugged.

“I’ll take it.”

Then, inexplicably, he removed his shirt and threw it on the ground, before settling comfortably. Once that was done, he shot her his signature grin.

“Join me?”

Anna shook her head, but couldn't help but smile.  _ Of course _ he was using that deep, sultry voice that she knew to be his ‘seduction’ voice. Despite that, she laid down next to him and rested her head on his chest. Both of his arms moved around her and he held her tight, kind of like he had that night as they were falling asleep, except now he was holding her like a lifeline. Like letting her go meant death.

She remained unmoving, listening to the beating of his heart, until his breathing stilled and his arms relaxed. Then, she peeked up at him. It had amazed her last time as well, how he looked when he was asleep, when he was’t smirking or being absurdly cocky. She missed his eyes, but she still liked it. The softness of his features, the light curve of his lips.

In that moment, she found him to be extremely kissable, but of course, she didn’t act on it. Instead, she closed her eyes, and tried to sleep as well. Despite how exhausted she was, she knew it likely wouldn’t come to her easily — but she was with him, so she’d be fine. If any zombies came in, they’d be faced by two of the best zombie killers in all of the United Kingdom.

Maybe, after all, they were a bit of a dream team.

* * *

Nick’s sudden awakening took her by surprise. She’d been drifting in and out of sleep for hours, always finding his strangely comforting embrace when her eyes opened and she searched the room in panic for some enemy to fight. When that happened, she started, then relaxed, in a movement that would have been barely noticeable for an exterior observant.

Nick’s reaction was the complete opposite of that. Anna woke up the second he pushed her off, gasping for air, tears running down his cheeks. She didn’t think much about it, grabbing his hands that were clawing at the sheets, and calling out to him.

“Nick, Nick, you’re  _ fine, _ it’s okay, you’re okay, you’re not in Little Haven, you got out, you’re  _ safe.” _

He turned towards her, slowly, entire body trembling and, without a word, he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Anna returned the embrace as the sounds of his sobs filled the little room. She didn’t say anything when his fingers dug into her back. She just waited, until he let her go. Then, he was quick to look away from her, wiping his face, and she didn’t say anything about that either. She expected it. It was always the case, after he’d shown emotions of any type.

When he moved to leave the bed, however, she held him back, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s the middle of the night, Nick,” she said, gesturing at the window for evidence. “You still need sleep.”

For a moment, he remained still, face turned away from her, and Anna waited.

“Can you turn around?” he asked, voice thick.

With a frown, she did, and soon felt his warm chest pressed against her back, as an arm moved around her waist, his grip intense and almost  _ needy. _ She heard him take a deep breath, then exhaling slowly.

“Thanks,” he whispered, and Anna’s heart jumped in her throat. It almost caused her physical pain, to think about how much he had to be hurting.

Her hand moved to cover his, the movement natural.

“Any time,” she said, though she didn’t think about  _ why  _ she said it, ignoring it when feelings she thought she’d destroyed long ago resurfaced.

Instead, she told herself that it was essential for everyone’s survival that they were all well-rested, and that was why she was doing it. Even as she intertwined her fingers with his and he let her. Even as she almost melted into him. Even as she let herself shed a few tears for herself, because she felt safe to do so right now.

They were damaged, both of them, traumatized in ways she didn’t know they could recover from, and nothing about this moment was perfect, but in the midst of everything else, Anna found solace in it.

As everything and everyone in their lives disappeared, at least they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmm, so, I'm the first to write for this ship apparently. I do think it was clear in the movie/book that they had a shitty relationship and Nick is a shitty person, but I also think that, by the end of the movie, they would probably cling to each other, and that Nick could have been developed (a lot) more. Like, I definitely thought he cared about Anna a lot more than he wanted to let on. So, uh, hopefully you've enjoyed this piece, I don't even know if anyone's going to read it but if you do, feel free to leave me some feedback, and I might see you again for more writing about these two!


End file.
